Secret Santicorn 2019: An Adventuring Economy

"It's time for the best part of Santicorn - making things!
Diaghilev requests the following gift:
Adventuring/tomb-robbing is a cash-rich, high-turnover profession. Those tend to spawn secondary industries. What are some interesting secondary industries that might spring up around a known hub for rich tomb-robbers? Aside from the obvious sorts of armorers and provisioners."

(Happy Santicorn! Be sure to check out who did my request, at Numbers Aren't Real!)

Ah, after eating an entire loaf of garlic bread and stewing in indie folk-pop, I have finally been struck by inspiration, Master Diaghilev. After doing some research into real life Secondary Industries, I find the through-line to be using the Primary Industry's produce as the base of the Secondary Industry. So, what is the main production of tomb robbing? Money is the obvious one, but it also doesn't push me in any particular creative direction, so fuck it. There is also a wealth of historical and academic material being exhumed (assumedly), so something Big Brain and smort could be an option. There's your average adventuring party needs, which would become more common as adventurers became a fixture of the economy. Hirelings, specialty tools, maybe a very specific form of healthcare?

I think that gives us the spark we need! And so, we begin.

The Adventuring Game

Thanks Pinterest

When a grave-robber who is dirt-caked and bleeding from the flank decides to settle with their loot in town, that town will one day become a city. Collecting adventurers like snow in a ball, as the wealth accumulates and builds this community, lots of people come to take some sliver of the pie. Here are just a few.

Hireling Guilds

Originally the term was derogatory, but somewhere along the line people just adopted it. The line of adventuring demands many lives and well-beings be sacrificed in the name of deeper levels. The most common structure is a rank system, based on the missions returned from, your reviews from actual minted adventurers, and your general aptitude for tasks. Higher ranks receive higher portions of the profits after the Guild's cut. Its a supremely competitive field, and hirelings die just as often to each other as to dungeons. Eugenics are practiced, if the society knows what that is. Think the No More Heroes assassin ranking system mixed with intern/mentorship programs.

d12Hireling QuirkGimmickDemeanorRank
1.Never makes eye contact.Hide in shadows, literally.Anxious.I
2.Constantly baring teeth.Acts like an animal, buck naked.Wild.II
3.Smug at all times.Faux gold and gems, finery.Bombastic.III
4.Disgustingly obese.Operates via telekinesis.Condescending.IV
5.Pulsating blood vessels.Voice carries for a mile.ANGRY.V
6.Too clingy.Can become a thought-form.Affectionate.VI
7.Doesn't speak the lingua franca.Can appear as any human.Confused.VII
8.Freezing cold.Undead costume, carries rotting meat.Morose.VIII
9.Does not emote.Artificial, save for heart and brain.Calculated.IX
10.Glittering smile.Can avoid sure death, once.Optimistic.X
11.Way younger than any other member.Strength of a Greek hero, but no combat prowess.Naive.XI
12.Sunglasses, whether era appropriate or not.Best sword-fighter in the guild.Overly Confident.XII

Identify, Archaeology and You

As mystical artifacts and remnants of bygone civilizations piled up, somebody realized there was more money to be made here than just the material worth showed. Now there are stalls all over that are just as talented at Academic Research and Library Use as they are at Barter. It's kind of odd not to try and up-sell to the bigger brained customers, with just a little bit of a tale. Of course, after all this time, people are wary of false history. IDs, qualifications and true honest-to-gods knowledge are standard affair. Most vendors will be a fine source of very specialized research. Imagine the salesman at the beginning of Disney's Aladdin combined with your glasses-wearing anime stereotype.

d6At this stall, you find...
1.Endless Marvel - A lithe, quiet cat person. Specializes in interpersonal histories and genealogy, favors trinkets and baubles with dramatic stories. Comes alive when reciting an item's tale.
2.Marosk - Wrinkly dwarf, like a Shar Pei. More of a physicist than a historian, has a mighty weapons collection. Currently working on the perfect siege engine.
3.Phineas Addington - Collector of the Ancient Empire. Specializes in that culture, but has a soft spot for architectural features. Fountains especially.
4.Florian - An artist, running a museum/auction house. Willing to put forth bizarre amounts of money up for authentic and undamaged pieces, but has equally bizarre standards.
5.Zander - Warm and kindly. Researching ancient lifestyles to improve conditions back home. Will happily take any practical artifacts like cutlery or furniture.
6.<3 - A masked figure completely concealed in cloth. Deals only in barter, and will not accept currency. Has a knack for magical objects.

Funerary Opulence

This maybe isn't so unusual, but when you have a wealth of people dying in their work, you gotta make good arrangements for their bodies. Depending on traditions, services cover many bases, and there is legal coverage for most obscure requests. Scattering ashes in otherwise private property, stringing the body up on a spire, hiding body parts in cabinets. Making light of death is one of many ways this society has coped with constant loss.

Extravagant Coffins are common, preservation of the corpse through magic slightly less so, and there are plenty of middlemen that scrape what cash they can get away with from the next-of-kin. Money is good.

With death so pervasive, you'll hear about some pretty bizarre cases. These are going on right now, if your players are interested in investigating.

Vandals, Necromancers, or Stranger?

Modest adventurer from a small housing district has recently passed away, and in their will requested their body be coated in iron and made into a gargoyle over the center of their home.

One week has passed, and the body is nowhere to be found. Due to the festival held in their honor, the locals have no idea whether the body was installed at all. The adventurer's survivors have placed a mighty bounty on the corpse-statue.

I Stab At Thee

A talented wizard was recently removed from their position at the university. This wizard put their life into one last working, and cursed the headmasters of their former work. Their days are numbered.

Wizard favors are supremely rare, and this may be the only opportunity you get to meet these headmasters without years of study. Alternatively, there will be quite a power vacuum to be filled...

Your Own Medicine

A nasty string of tomb-robberies went down in the Dead District, all valuables stripped. Obviously, no one with any sense would sell relics back to the people who made and owned them, so the culprits will likely be in hiding before fleeing for distant lands.

Will you bring them to justice for one of the highest crimes in this place, join with the robbers for a share of the profits, or simply watch as history changes hands?

A Brace of Bards: Steely Dan and Currents

Two more Bard genres for Lexi's Bard! These have languished in my drafts for over half a year now, and now I can finally evangelize some of my favorite music to all of you!

(This also happily overlaps with Tame Impala announcing their fourth LP, mostly! Yay!! Thanks to my dad, the OSR Discord, and my friends for helping fill some songs out.)

Steely Dan

To quote a small exchange with my dad;
Me: "Yeah, she and I were just hanging out and listening to Steely Dan vinyls."
Dad: "Oh gotcha, and you did Cocaine too, right?"

You're especially resistant to addiction. If you roll to become addicted to a substance, you can ignore the first failure. This is on a per drug basis. If your system does it different, you can blunt the negative penalties of substances. You always detect the presence of drugs in food and drink.

1. Reelin' In The Years: You can age something up to 15 years over the course of this song. The effects last (Ints 1: until the song ends, Ints 2: 1 minute after the song ends, Ints 3: 1 hour after the song ends, Ints 4: Permanently.) Once you reach an Intensity, even if it would be decreased, that becomes the duration of the effects.
2. Do It Again: While playing this song, you can see other potential outcomes of an action you took today. If you are able to reach [Ints] 4 while playing this song, you are able to choose another outcome for said event than the one that has actually occurred.
3. Dirty Work: While this song is played, the listeners must Save each round or perform a task that you assign to them. One successful save makes them immune to this rendition of the song. This task cannot be changed once assigned. The task can be, at most, (Ints 1: Menial, Ints 2: Standard Labor, Ints 3: Risky, Ints 4: Life Threatening.)
4. Rikki Don't Lose That Number: A small version of your head appears on the back of each listener, and lasts for [Ints] days after the song ends. Once you reach an Intensity, even if it would be decreased, that becomes the duration of the effects. You can communicate with each person psychically while this lasts, and can perceive through each head.
5. Hey Nineteen: You conjure forth a younger version of yourself and any willing party members. They'll try to listen to your suggestions, but you don't see eye to eye at all. You summon (Ints 1: you from a week ago, Ints 2: you from a year ago, Inst 3: You from 10 years ago, Ints 4: you as a child.)
6. Any Major Dude Will Tell You: While this song plays, dice results are inverted. Successes are failures, opposite positions on a table are selected, etc. This applies to (Ints 1: attack/defense rolls, Ints 2: all physical actions, Ints 3: all actions, Ints 4: literally any dice rolled at all.) 
7. Turn That Heartbeat Over Again: Every person in earshot of this song that you choose is under the effects of a drug you have consumed before at [Ints] doses.
8. Babylon Sisters: An ephemeral woman forms from the displaced air of this song, and will walk around the audience charmingly. Each round, she will whisper into your mind [Ints] secrets from the audience. This can be divided among any number of listeners, or drawn from the collective consciousness of the audience. (Their guild, city, religion, etc.)
9. Peg: You can select someone to make the audience of this song infatuated with, as though they were a major celebrity. They will do the types of things die-hard kpop fans would do, including all the worst bits, for (Ints 1: the duration of this song, Ints 2: 1 hour after the song, Ints 3: 1 day after the song, Ints 4: for one week.)
10. My Old School: The (Ints 1: local law enforcement, Ints 2: country's military, Ints 3: largest power in the world, Ints 4: supernatural authority.) appears and investigates the audience for something illegal that you determine. Drug possession, murder, dissenting thoughts, etc.


Maybe this is a little self indulgent, but its my favorite album from my favorite band soshutup.

You gain a bonus to seduction/persuasion equal to your Bard Level. You can expend Music Dice to gain a [sum] bonus to the roll, in addition to your Level.

1. Let It Happen: The audience of this song has difficulty resisting actions taken against them. This applies to (Ints 1: being persuaded, Ints 2: being persuaded and moved, Ints 3: being persuaded, moved, and hurt, Ints: being affected by anything.) They take a penalty to their resistance equal to your bard level.
2. Nangs: You can project your soul out of your body out to a certain range. Your body goes completely catatonic (except for continuing the song) as your soul walks about. You are treated as a ghost, if that's ever relevant. If your soul dies, your body is liable to become possessed. Your soul can travel (Ints 1: In the immediate area, Ints 2: In the country, Ints 3: On the planet, Ints 4: Into an adjacent dimension.)
3. The Moment: Anything you choose in earshot is stricken with waves of intense anxiety. This increases their fumble range by 2, and may prompt a morale check. This song can affect up to (Ints 1: 5 beings, Ints 2: 10 beings, Ints 3: 50 beings, Ints 4: 200 beings.)
4. Yes I'm Changing: You can prompt a reroll of the listeners Reaction/Morale. You can affect [Ints] listeners, with a bonus to the roll equal to your Bard level.
5. Eventually: As the Slow spell, at [Dice] = [Ints]. The duration is however long the song lasts for. If sum needs to come up for the Slow spell you use, each [Ints] is 2.
6. Gossip: As Nangs, except this only affects people apart from you. This can be used offensively, and the target gets a penalty to Save equal to [Ints.]
7. The Less I Know the Better: You can delete a memory from a person's mind, which will evaporate into smoke in the following minutes. This takes all of the memory's effects with it (if Memory Slots or Sanity are in use.) You can affect up to [Ints] persons, and unwilling people get a Save.
8. Past Life: You call forth the spirit of an ancestor, previous life, or genetic predecessor. They can gift you and up to bard level others (Ints 1: advice, Ints 2: a skillset, Ints 3: a minor trait of theirs, Ints 4: all previous entries while physically manifesting to assist.)
9. Disciples: You summon [Ints] tamed impala antelopes, and they will follow your commands to the T. (as well as antelopes can be expected to.) These antelopes revive if they die while this song is played.
10. Cause I'm a Man: Each round, you deal [Ints]d4 Psychic damage to a target of your choice. These d4s become d8s if the target felt proud about themselves when you began this song. This damage is not lethal. They gibber to themselves about their insecurities while taking damage from this song.
11. Reality in Motion: While this song is played, you can mentally control the environment around you, causing hills to appear, walls to distort, stuff like that. This applies only to what is non-living environment. The effect extends (Ints 1: 20 feet, Ints 2: 50 feet, Ints 3: 100 feet, Ints 4: earshot.) around you.
12. Love/Paranoia: Everyone in earshot no longer has any emotional feeling or attachment to (Ints 1: their closest love, Ints 2: their family, Ints 3: their friends, Ints 4: everyone they know.)
13. New Person, Same Old Mistakes: You can select one person in earshot to grant another Class Template in a class of your choice. This can become a 5th if they already have 4. At the end of the song, the target must Save or fall unconscious for 3 days at an [Ints] penalty.
14. List of People (To Try and Forget About): The audience of this song has no recollection or memory of [Ints] entities that you determine.
15. Powerlines: For the duration of the song, as many people as you like in earshot get [Ints] Magic Dice to spend as they like. These do not return once spent, no matter the sum, and if the listener has no spells, they can channel the MD into a rough and amorphous effect, which is very likely to backfire in any way the GM likes.
16. Taxi's Here: While this song is playing, time stops. You and your party are able to (Ints 1: talk to each other, Ints 2: move around, Ints 3: interact with non-living objects, Ints 4: affect anything.), the effects of which will be felt after the song ends. Think The World from JoJo

The Biocon: Parasite Race-as-Class

A purple humanoid from Warspace, covered nearly entirely in his Biocon.

Be sure to check out Oblidisideryptch, Micah, Type1Ninja, James Young, Coalfiber, Lexi, Isaak Hill, Ambnz, Chuffer, Martin O,and Wizards' interpretations of the idea of a "Parasite Race-as-class"!

In space, there are effectively infinite forms of life if you look long and far enough. Herbivores, Carnivores, Psychevores, and of course, Parasites.

The parasite form we will be discussing today is the Biocon, which is to say a Biological Conjoint Organism. Much debate has been had over whether they're more accurately referred to as a sleeve, suit, or other synonym for a piece of clothing OR as a disease, affliction, or condition that creatures suffer from. At the end of the day, everyone recognizes them as an organism.

Biocons are a species of parasite that was recently discovered in the core of a dead star on the outer reaches of the Colonized Systems. After a frightening first encounter, the crew of fuel miners credited with the discovery had become Joined, as it is called. Biocons are capable of sapient thought, and are very committed to the survival of themselves and their host. This doesn't extend to describing the host's new lifespan, however. They are capable shapeshifters, and can produce any biological or thaumaturgical effect their host can describe to them.

Very little formal research has been conducted on the effects of Joining, for a couple of reasons:

1. The superhuman feats capable when Joined make it unlikely for most folks to willingly lay down and be studied. If you could suddenly leap tall buildings in a single bound, would you want to get studied in invasive, possibly lethal ways, for the benefit of science?

2. At the end of its currently perceivable lifespan, Biocons kill their host. Resurrection of the original Joined soul is presently impossible. Research in this vector is underway.

There are no known cases of a Joined lifeform surviving longer than 2 years, and that person had an extremely sedentary lifestyle. The many cases of.. enterprising Joined lead much shorter lives. Adventurers certainly won't make it longer than a little while.


Biocon 1. Joined, Manifestation, Fatal Maturation
Biocon 2. +1 Manifestation, + 1 HD
Biocon 3. +1 Manifestation, + 1 HD
Biocon 4. The Brightest Candle, +1 Manifestation, + 1 HD

Starting Equipment: Biocon Manifestation ([level]*2 slots), dagger
Skills (d3): 1. Mining, 2. Diplomacy, 3. Wanderer

Hit Die: d8

A blood elf woman, admiring her newly progressed Biocon.

Joined: You share your body with a parasitic lifeform known as a Biocon. It's something like dolphin flesh with a thin layer of chitin over the top, sans the hairs. It feeds on your biological processes, and on the very essence of your soul. In turn, it grants you many abilities.
It is a sapient, living creature, and you can communicate with it telepathically. Its personality, goals, and other details are at the GM's discretion. Roll mental stats for the Biocon, and record them separately from your own. Effects that would normally target you are allowed to choose between you and the Biocon. When you gain this level, you can reroll an ability score of your choice and take the higher, as the Biocon naturally shores up your weaknesses.

Manifestation: Your Biocon is malleable, and dedicated to assisting your combined survival. Choose one monster's ability, such as an attack, movement, special ability, size, or other feature. GM has final say. The Biocon can produce this effect at will. It may need to make morale checks, to avoid being stressed out and activating this Manifestation on its own.
Onlookers will certainly need to make morale checks if you do something horrible, like manifest an Illithid's brain eating or a Mind Flayer's eye beam. You suffer a [level] penalty to reaction rolls.

Fatal Maturation: The GM will roll 1d12 secretly. This is your maximum lifespan in months, and unless you find a way to separate the Biocon from you, you will die. You cannot be brought back from this death in any known ways. You may be able to convince your Biocon to divulge this info, but it makes a concentrated effort to encourage you to live your best life. They often see this as information that will be a problem for you.

The Brightest Candle: You are at the end of your rope. Your Biocon has reached maturity, and you are now considered one entity for the purposes of targeting and such. At your whim, you can set the other end of the candle alight. You turn over the last shreds of your control to your Biocon. Your ability scores become 20, and you reduce all damage taken by 5. Your HP also increases to 50. You lose 1 HP each minute, and cannot restore it. When it reaches 0, you die. Irrevocably.
Your body and soul have been burnt up by the Biocon, and it... disappears. Where to? Who knows.

A birdfolk, possessed by a Biocon that makes them much faster.


I was going for something like Baoh, Infamous, and other kinds of dangerously powerful parasites. I liked the idea of being able to do cool transformations (and visually, I drew on my favorite pokemon Deoxys' transformations) but didn't want the implementation to be clunky. So, I tossed around the idea of "schools" like wizards, with Manifestation Dice. But, ultimately, I think just stealing stuff from monsters is a lot simpler. But if someone does something like manifestation dice, please tell me. I think that'd be awesome.

The Hills have Ants

Just beyond the forest surrounding your brand new village, some horrible hive of Giant Ants must exist! Travelers are regularly disappeared, and the crops have been slowing dwindling after nighttime harvests by the creatures. Solve this problem, save the future of your home.

Thousands of years ago, scientists or wizards or someone experimented with size enhancement, genetic augmentation as a bioweapon, and stealth infiltration. Imagine a few ants scuttling under a door, growing to huge size, and making any soldiers in the room into more ants. Somewhere near here, this experiment must've busted out. They've since integrated themselves into the ecosystem. More recently, in the order of a week ago, some merchant carts have disappeared along with large supplies of the nearby village's food.

Queen's Chamber. Filled with 10 drones (giant ants) and the Queen (some combo of an ogre and a giant ant). She is covered in welts and bulbous sacks of fluid. If the queen is threatened, any surviving drones will swarm into the chamber to defend their queen. Also, 1d6 drones will return from the outside to assist.

Food Chamber. Inside of this room, many crates of wheat, fruits, and scattered animal carcasses. 4 drones eat here, and could likely be walked past. Inside an overturned crate is a wounded and weak merchant named Frederick. He is incapable of walking, and huddled inside this crate to avoid the ants. He hid in here when the ants attacked his merchant caravan.

Antechamber. Inside of the first room are two Ant-Men, people mid transformation into giant ants. (Stats as any weird humanoid creeps). They will shriek and click at anyone who approaches, dripping with mutagenic saliva.

Grub Chamber. Filled with squirming, torso sized Ant grubs. They could potentially be raised and treated with magic or pheromones to be your very own!

Trash Room. Piles of silver jewelry, sacks of spices, and other trade goods lay abandoned here near the entrance. The temptation is to grab the wealth and leave the village to get bled dry by these ants.. but you wouldn't. Would you?

Under Construction. This room is only half as large as the others. It is under construction, but some drones are out scavenging for more wall structures.

Weak Wall Hallway. This leads from the antechamber into the rest of the dungeon. The wall is very loosely packed dirt, and if walked past will collapse part of the ceiling on top of the party. If walking slowly past, it can be avoided. If the party collapses it, it will be rebuilt the following day by the drones.

Poison Hallway. Some of the more humanoid drones have reinforced this tunnel with branches and leaves of local plant. Their ANT transformation has made them immune to the horrible disease this plant harbors, and anyone brushing past the large leaves will need to save vs disease.

Ant Hybridization. The "saliva" of any of these monsters can be used to transform living creatures into horrible ant-hybrids. They will be drawn towards this queen, and if she is dead, they will be aimless animal creatures. Anyone who dies to these monsters will swiftly become a hybrid, progressing further each day. A cure may exist.

The Pugilist: Champion/Punchfighter Adaptation

I just saw Bernie the Flumph's Champion in my blogroll, and have adapted it to the Glog! Hooray!


Starting Equipment: Revealing outfit, 3 days of training supplies (if you require any), 5 days hearty rations
Skills (d4): 1. Showmanship, 2. Survival, 3. Chivalry 4. Scoundrelry

Hit Die: d10

1. Punches as Strong as Kicks, Rigorous Training, 1 Random Stance, 1 Chosen Stance
2. Skin Conditioning, +HD, +1 Chosen Stance
3. Now its Serious!, +1 Random Stance
4. Peak Performance, Mentor of Muscle, +2 Chosen Stances

Stances: At the start of combat, announce which stance you start in. You need not have a stance, if you wish. It takes your movement to switch between stances on your turn. Maintaining a fighting stance outside of combat is useful, but is tantamount to having a drawn sword in public. Be careful! Each stance takes up a memory slot. You must have unimpeded movement to maintain a Stance.

Punches as Strong as Kicks: You may use STR or DEX for your unarmed attack rolls. Your unarmed attacks deal 1d6+CON damage.

Rigorous Training: Each day, you have some ritual you must complete to be in tip-top shape. Whether that's an hour of calisthenics in the morning, or a gallon of milk with breakfast, or a line of Wizard Tooth Powder. For each day you don't do this, you gain Exhaustion (which takes up an inventory slot). This could also be something you never do, as opposed to a ritual. Maybe you're a strict vegan, or you abstain from alcohol or sex.

Skin Conditioning: You can add your CON to your AC.

Now its Serious!: You're not messing around anymore! When you deal unarmed damage, you may destroy an item you are wearing to gain advantage on the damage roll.

Peak Performance: You have ascended to the top of human ability! Add your CON to all saves, and reduce all incoming damage by your CON.

Mentor of Muscle: You may start a school of unarmed combat! [level]d4 students will come to you each time you are at your school to learn under you. 1d4 of them will be serious enough to come with you! They each know 1 Stance, and gain their first Pugilist level when their learn their second Stance.

Muscle Woman! (Name not found?)


I really immediately connected with the class for LotFP, and wanted to have it in my future games. Its so easily expanded, so evocative of those cartoonish wrestlers and strongmen we can all picture. I needed one more ability for the third template, so I looked at the Glog Class List and yoinked Imma take my shirt off from To Distant Land's Brawler. It seemed appropriate (also, I was sooo stumped. That slot took up the most time, bar none.)! Otherwise, the abilities and stances are direct ports to the Glog, with some minor simplification to my tastes. Also, I gave it the Dojo ability from Lexi's Adept, because its awesome!


1. Bat Stance - You focus your attention on the motion and sound around you. You are able to sense the motion of things (enemies mainly) that you cannot see if they are within your movement range. This is kind of like echolocation, but not quite.

2. Break Stance - You put more energy into single points of contact in your strikes. You can harm constructs, even if they would be immune to you normally. You also deal double damage to inanimate objects, and are capable of breaking stone with effort and time.

3. Buddy Stance - You are able to anticipate the motions of your allies. You have advantage on attacks against someone in melee with an ally. This ally also gains +2 AC from your spotting.

4. Flash Stance - You take to breakneck pace, moving twice as fast as the average person. You can add +2 to your Move.

5. Flurry Stance - You trade your focused strikes for more flexibility and speed. You may make two attacks per turn, but do not add STR or DEX to either roll.

6. Ghost Stance - You meditate and pull your awareness just outside of your body. Your unarmed damage becomes 1d4, but you are able to affect the incorporeal.

7. Hornet Stance - You sharpen your sight, to strike with precision! You can use small projectiles at 1d4+CON damage, and may make two attacks per turn with them. They use DEX for their attack rolls.

8. Hot Stance - You focus your energy on being as attractive and appealing as possible. You add your CHA to your AC.

9. Lion Stance - Your regality, brutality, and power intimidate those around you. Enemies must make Morale checks anytime you crit or deal maximum damage. They suffer a penalty to this check equal to your CON.

10. Rowdy Stance - You abandon any composed attacks and fight with survival on your mind. You may use any mundane items not meant to be weapons as 1d8+CON weapons, breaking on damage rolls of 1 or 8.

11. Turtle Stance - You hunker down, shrinking closer to your center of gravity. You AC is as full plate, but you move about as fast as a turtle. Subtract -4 from your Move. This slowness doesn't impede your Stance.

12. Wonder Stance - You heighten your reflexes, and are capable of knocking projectiles out of the air with a successful DEX check.

Fighters in the Voids of Space

A daring and eccentric space captain

Fighters are, at their core, idealists. This ideal is different from what others may consider an ideal; Fighters believe that everything can be solved violently.
They might tell you otherwise, and in fact many will. "Oh, I only train so that I can defend others. Its not the solution to everything." "Look, I grew up in a harsh place! You don't get out of a scrape without throwing a punch or two when you're young."
Liars, all of them. They even lie to themselves. They tell you that fighting isn't all they live for, show you where violence is wrong and harmful. That doesn't change the look in their eyes, though, does it? The way their expression unravels, their facade erodes. They love this. And they aren't too bad at it either. In the back of their minds, they want nothing more than to tear into whoever opposes them.

They know that violence can solve anything.

Many thanks to LexiSkerples and Type1Ninja for the pieces I stapled together to form this class and system!

The Mind of a Sad and Wiry Man

I've been in a weird place lately. Sadly, this weird place didn't leave much space for dungeons. Let's just make that place a dungeon, yeah? Yeah. Much inspiration from here.

Everyone knows that a person's mind is a personal, deeply important thing. Most people don't know that everyone's mind is also a place you can travel to with the proper means. A young man has put out ads, requesting adventurers to enter his mind through a key he found to purge him of his deepest problems and regrets. He'll pay them every penny he has, and they can keep whatever seems useful! He's desperate.

To modern players, its pretty clear this guy has crippling anxiety. He's made some decisions in life he can't really understand. He doesn't know if they were right or smart, or just fueled by his condition. So, he's paying to delete his flaws and his worst memories! He'll do his best to outline to the players what all he wants gone and what he wants to keep. Every room besides the entrance is kind of cracked, dusty, stained white stone. There are hallways connecting these rooms in random ways, and these hallways move and change. There are also intermittent scrolls with notes on this man's memories in vellum scattered in piles, nailed to walls, etc. This man is kind of scatterbrained, with poor memory and mental discipline.

Entrance [Empty]:
The keyhole they enter in from opens out to a pristine and shiny room of white stone. Kind of like a museum, but the display pedestals are empty. The next room is veiled by a dark curtain. This man is open to most people to a certain degree, but has been closed off and keeping to himself lately. Placing things in here from the dungeon will make him talk about them much more openly.

Guard Dogs [Combat]:
Past the curtain, there are 6 guard dogs (as hell hounds) that resemble huge rottweilers with heron beaks and beady glass eyes. They are grey, but their eyes are deep yellow. They'll latch on as stirges and maul as hell hounds. They breathe sleep gas, as well. No joke. Each will scatter to another room if seriously wounded, attempting an ambush later. This guy is completely incapacitated by anxiety. It drains his energy, his will, his life. It won't even let other people in. Killing all these hounds will ease his anxiety.

Intersection [Trap]:
Next is a Y intersection, but the point where the split occurs is an illusory floor, beneath which leads to the Water Pit. To the left is the Nice Man and to the right is the Abandoned Mansion. Decisions terrify this man. Patching over this pit will ease his decision making process.

Water Pit [Combat]:
At the bottom of this pit is an infinitely tentacled monster with goat eyes and snapping beaks (as any really big aquatic monster). It shouts insults and tries to drown and eat anyone who falls in. The water extends infinitely into the dark. This man is prone to self defeating spirals and depression. Killing this monster will make him less self-depreciating.

Nice Man [NPC]:
Bound in chains and gagged is a brightly colored, cartoonish version of the man. He gives nothing but genuine and kind complements to people who talk to him. He knows his way around the place. This guy tries his best to be good to people, but he seems prone to be overruled. If Nice Man is killed or removed, he will become less kind. If freed and let roam, he will get much kinder.

Happy Hallway [Empty]:
This hallway and small room past the nice man is lined with what look like really pleasant memories and kind notes, but they have been shredded and torn away. Chairs are toppled and broken, and a tea set is smashed on the ground beside a table. The set would be valuable if repaired. Something has been damaging this man's best memories and coping mechanism. Restoring this hallway will make him indescribably grateful to the party, if they can think of some way to repair it at all.

Abandoned Mansion [Trap]:
This room is like the grand entrance to an old style mansion-home, made from white stone and covered in cobwebs. It is fairly large, with a balcony and staircases, doors to nowhere, portraits of people in the man's life. Staying in this place gradually erodes any desire to continue on. After a few failed saves, the victims will need dragged away. Covering your eyes prevents this. This man is often sucked into nostalgia and idealizing the past. Destroying this room will help him focus on the present and the future.

Old Mistakes [Combat]:
The room beyond the Mansion is occupied by only a tar-black, liquid humanoid. It can shift between a giant form (as an ogre) and a swarm of smaller creatures (swarm of goblins). Its touch reminds of past errors and failings, and people touching it via exposed skin must save vs stun. This man is often hung up on past mistakes and the ways he wishes he could change his history. Killing this monster will help him accept the past for what it is.

Glittering Tunnel [Empty]:
This tunnel upwards allows anyone in it to float at will. Hovering in places throughout the tunnel are golden orbs, which contain all the best ideas and memories this guy has had. On the top of some are notes that dismiss them as silly. This guy doubts his worth and competency. Removing the notes will make him just a little more confident. Removing the orbs will make him forget whatever they represent. The orbs are extremely valuable to Magic Users and as ideas. Go crazy with what these orbs actually represent. They are a good opportunity for more hooks!

Imagination Drive [Weird]:
At the top of this tunnel is a glowing prismatic disc, which will create anything that a person touching it imagines. There are two catches; they are illusory, and will pop like bubbles if told this or if touched too stiffly, and they will tangent into different things based on what happens around them. A child will grow, a tree will wilt or grow in silly shapes or stand up and attack. They are very impressionable and strange. Treat them like a thought in this way. This man spends a lot of time creating, or trying to. Removing the disc will make him much less creative.

At the end of the dungeon, the man will give the party the key they used to enter. They can enter other people's minds with it, but unwilling people get a save. They will have dungeons similar to this one.

Request a Post and/or Art!

I now have an Artstation! Commissions are up, and it seems a little more elegant than Ko-fi for that, so that's where any art inquiries can be directed! Thanks so much

You may have noticed a button over in this sidebar here (and not a cool one like on Angus' blog)

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If you like what I do here, or have something you'd like to see from me, please feel free to request it on my Ko-fi page! I also have a paypal! Really, the only thing I charge for is art! I'm always open to blog post prompts (The only one I've done so far is last year's Secret Santicorn.) I have a few examples of my art down at the bottom of this post. So please, consider dropping me a couple of bucks if you enjoy what I'm up to.

Of course, no pressure either way, because this blog will be here whether I make a penny or none. Fear not!

In descending order from most recent to least recent:
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Bard Genre: Vaporwave

Running a Science-Fantasy game where this is appropriate, and also not giving a shit about anachronisms, I have decided to make this genre for Lexi's GLOG Bard! More to come, most definitely.

Robert Beatty


We can just explain the editing and ghostly voices as magic.

Cheap Editing Software: Anything you could reasonably make pleasant noise with counts as an instrument for you. Additionally, you can choose not to have the effects of a song happen as you play, and instead store them inside of an instrument. Expend MD as normal, and they do not refresh until the song is played. You may release the song at any time, and it will play exactly as you played it. Intensities change at the same times over the song's duration, and any Bad Vibes occur when they did. You may store [bard level] songs at a time.


Important Note: Imagine these spells look like cutting through the film of a tape, and then playing it. (The tape is reality.) Uncomfortable warping, strange colors, flares of light..

1. Enjoy Yourself: Everyone in earshot jives and enjoys the song you play. Creatures of Intensity HD or more get a save. You may also reroll reaction rolls for anyone you talk to while playing this song at a +Intensity bonus.
2. Buy Milk: You create Intensity*5 buyers, who emerge from cracks in the ground and from dark alleys while you play. They are ravenous for purchases, and will buy just about anything offered to them. Their wealth varies.
3. Snake Way: You conjure the spirits of those you once knew who have died, and they dance down from the Snake Way to speak with you while you play. They'll answer Intensity questions before departing. People in earshot (including you) must save vs sadness as they arrive.
4. 82.99 FM: For the duration of this song, you are transported up to a maximum of Intensity*10 years into the future or the past. When you choose to end this song (not when it is ended otherwise) you may return to the time you began in. If it is ended prematurely, you remain then until you can return with this song or some other means.
5. Monogon: Intensity inorganic objects near you become 2-dimensional, flat versions of themselves while you play. While playing, you can mentally move them anywhere in earshot of the song. They return to normal when you end the song.
6. γƒͺァフランク420Reality bends around your music. Intensity of the following effects can be applied to anything or anyone in earshot. Creatures get a save. At 2 Intensity, you get to pick one of them: (d4) 1. The target is looped in time, repeating whatever they did before this effect was applied to them; 2. The target erupts into jagged, polygonal edges. Objects are dangerous, creatures are thorny and weighted down by the mass; 3. An object swaps uses with a nearby object (a chair becomes a weapon, or a weapon becomes a chair), a creature will switch minds with another nearby creature (except the party); 4. The target is slowed to an absolute crawl. If they move at all, 1/10 of the usual speed should suffice. Their reaction time adjusts accordingly.
7. Private Caller: For as long as you play this song, you enter a mental realm with one other person of your choice. You control the way this realm looks and behaves with just a thought. At 1 Intensity, the person must be visible and in earshot. At 2, they need only be in earshot of the song. At 3, so long as you know where they are, they will come. At 4, all you need to do is think of the person. Both you and the person you call are unaware of the actual world during this song.
8. Summer NightEveryone near you must save vs reliving their most painful memories. They suffer Intensity d4 damage each round from the torment, unless someone tries to touch them while they sit silently, crying. Those touched will retaliate violently until the song is over, but they no longer suffer from the damage each round while attacking.
9. Selfish High Heels: After this song ends, you transform into a Magical Girl! The exact details are up to your GM, but you will likely be able to do cool magical attacks, feats of acrobatics/flight, etc. I recommend rolling for Intensity Advancements on that class. This form last for Intensity minutes.
10. Virtually Alone 20xx: You and Intensity other people are shunted to an embryonic world of gray stone, cyan seas and magenta skies for the duration of this song. The only other creature in this world is a hostile and insane construct resembling you with Intensity*3 HD. It hates you and will try to kill you and anyone else here. It may not be near you initially, but it senses your presence and will come.
11. η«ι‡Ž レむ Everyone in earshot of this song must save vs. having their inhibitions removed for Intensity(1 Intns. Minutes 2 Intns. Hours 3 Intns. Days 4 Intns. Weeks) or a smaller unit of time, at your desire. They will run through the streets nude, chasing after their lover, they will join you by banging rudimentary instruments, they will fly to the hills for wherever they have always wanted to go, etc.

Hey! Look! A Dungeon entrance!

Bogeyman's Cave announced just today that he'll be starting up 30 minute dungeons again! This doesn't excite me as a reader, since I wasn't reading him while this was a thing (sorry my friend!) but the concept does! So I'll be jumping on and doing this starting March 1st! Hopefully one a day, as a relaxing break between schoolwork and stressing about procrastinating on schoolwork. God save me.

Anyway! Here are his guidelines, and they look good to me, so I'll be stealing them!

A Hook
General Background
3 Combat Encounters
3 "Empty" Rooms
2 Traps
1 Weird Thing To Experiment With
Some Treasure
A Magic Item

Be on the lookout for these! My players tend to try and point themselves to what "I want them to do" (I promise I didn't put that there, they come from 5e and want to be polite to me which I appreciate.) so I likely won't need to spring any dungeons on them until I get them eased onto creating goals, but hopefully you all will find them useful or interesting!

Races in the Voids of Space

I'm working on my contribution to the great hereditary line that is GLOG. For reference, Lexi over at Blasted, Cratered Land has a succinct description. It is... many times distilled. Built on the backs of the likes of Type1Ninja, Lexi, Skerples, Angus Warman (in his sidebar) and Arnold K. himself. Coming.... Eventually!

This is the race table, with sources at the bottom! If you don't know what something is, ask in the comments.